


When All Your Memories Fade Away

by imaginethat57



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-03-20
Packaged: 2018-05-27 23:36:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6304636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imaginethat57/pseuds/imaginethat57
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set post Neverland and Pan's curse, while navigating the new threat of the Wicked Witch, Emma and Regina form a tentative friendship and co-parenting relationship. There's one little detail that's standing between them though- the missing year and Emma's cursed memories. Where exactly did they come from?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a three shot based off a tumblr prompt I got from tumblr user ohsoverywow, "I have this head canon that Regina gave Emma her own memories while raising Henry when they parted ways in 03x11. I'd love them having a talk where they acknowledge this, and well, just imagine all the understanding and fluffy and bonding and omg that would be so awesome."

Emma's heart breaks the second the rush of images clears from behind her eyelids. Regina. It's the first thought that appears in her mind the second she can feel her feet on the ground again. Her next thought is inevitably Henry and Regina. Everything she's believed for the last fourteen years has been a lie, a curse, a trick, a supposed present. Was it really a gift? Maybe, her brain supplies. Okay definitely. But now that it's over it's left her devastated. She's not Henry's real mom

She swallows hard and fights back tears as another barrage of memories comes into her mind, or what she had thought were memories. Now she knows it was all a fabrication weaved by Regina's magic. Did the other woman know how complex and intricate the system of false memories she created were? Did she create each one individually?

Emma immediately discards that as a possibility. They'd had mere seconds before the ominous cloud swirling with dark magic came rampaging towards them at the town line. The magic of Regina's spell must have filled in all the blanks for them as Emma and Henry made their get away in Emma's yellow bug.

She can feel Hook's presence, she knows he's waiting for her to acknowledge him, to say something, anything. But she doesn't care. In her mind's eye she's watching Henry. Henry on his first night at home with her, and just how tiny he looked. Tiny and perfect, with his little fingers reaching up and curling around one of her own. He held onto her finger so tight that night she couldn't put him down. He slept peacefully in her arms, clutching to her, and she knew that for the rest of her life she was undoubtedly his.

She's watching Henry take his first steps. He wobbled precariously as he used her pants leg to pull himself to his feet. She'd known he was on the verge of this milestone for a while now. He's developed a habit of finding something to help him stand, pulling himself up, wiggling for a moment, then falling promptly on his behind. Emma had taken to carrying a camera with her everywhere because she knew it would be soon that his first steps would happen. This time she'd had a feeling in her gut that this was it. She pulled her camera off the counter and backed a few steps away from Henry and kneeled down to his level as soon as he'd steadied himself enough not to need her leg for support. She'd called to him, and the look of concentration that came over his face made Emma's mouth twitch up in a large grin. But it was nothing compared to the surge of pride and elation she felt when he took that first step, and then another, stumbling closer and closer to his mom until he flopped into her lap. She'd forgotten to turn on the camera because she was so mesmerized by how fast her baby boy was growing.

She's watching Henry say his first word. He's babbling senselessly as she changes his diaper and she's humming to him softly. Her melody is abruptly interrupted by a loud giggle from Henry. But then he had looked up at her with those big, brown eyes so intently and suddenly his happy gurgling wasn't nonsensical. He was forming a word. "Mama" he'd said. He looked right into Emma's eyes when he'd said it. He bored into them with more focus than Emma had previously thought him capable of for his young age. He knew she was his Mama, he knew she was his, he knew she loved him, and Emma couldn't hold back the tears that choked at her. She had picked him up and held him to her chest, rocking him back and forth, murmuring to him quietly as he said "Mama" over and over.

Except she hadn't really, had she? She's not Henry's real mother because she'd given him up. All the air leaves her lungs when she remembers what really happened. How she never held Henry once as a baby, never even looked into his eyes. The duality that's tugging at all the corners of her brain is frightening in its strength. She clearly remembers both realities that she's lived and it's already starting to feel muddied up in her mind. But there's nothing that can remove the heart ache of knowing that she'd given up her son, that the woman who deserves the title of Mama more than anyone is Regina.

She feels a hand connect lightly with her shoulder and she's reminded of Hook's presence. She immediately and harshly swats his arm away. She keeps her eyes squeezed shut tight, unaware of whether she'll be allowed to relive these memories ever again. Even the bad memories are precious to her.

She sees Henry's first boo boo. He was two, happily running around the playground, shrieking with joy the way children do. But then he had tripped. As soon as his knee connected with the wood chip covered ground, Emma knew tears were not far behind. The little boy had immediately turned in Emma's direction and cried out for her, fat salty droplets making their way down his cheeks. Emma had rushed over in a frantic panic, instantly scooped up the toddler and cooed to him. She'd figured out after that if you don't make a big deal out of a boo boo neither will the child, but she couldn't help herself. She'd never seen her baby hurt before.

She sees Henry's first fever. It was a couple months after his tumble at the park. Emma had been woken up in the middle of the night by pained whimpers. She'd instantly leapt to her feet and ran to her son's room, ready to destroy anyone who would dare lay a hand on her little boy. However when she reached Henry's room, she found no one to confront. She crossed the room in quick strides to check on Henry and found him standing in the crib. His face was red and flushed, his hair stuck to his sweaty forehead and his eyes were bloodshot and tear stained. She remembers the pit of dread that had dropped in her stomach. She'd picked him up and knew without a doubt that it was a fever. His skin was hot to the touch and he wouldn't stop crying. He kept mumbling, "Fix it, Mama." And with each time Emma's heart broke into more shattered pieces because she couldn't. She couldn't make it better, she couldn't "fix it." She didn't sleep for three days, she was by Henry's side constantly, so constantly that she ended up getting sick herself but she didn't care. She sucked it up and pushed forward because she was his Mama and he needed her.

The memories continue to swirl until she can't take it anymore. She blinks her eyes, fighting back the tears and the pain of knowing that she didn't do any of these things. She knows deep in her heart that she had wanted to give Henry his best chance; she wasn't prepared for any of the things the memories entailed when she'd given birth to him. She wasn't ready to be anyone's mom, to be Henry's 'Mama.' And now that she remembers this once again a weight settles on her heart that she hadn't felt in a year. She opens her eyes fully and stares at the sky. She knows she can't spend much longer dwelling on her beautiful terrible gift, her family is in trouble and they need her.

She turns to Hook, determination set in her gaze. "Let's go home."


	2. Chapter 2

She sees him but he doesn't see her. Not the way he used to. Now he looks right through her and it might as well be a knife in her heart. The diner has gone silent after the sound of glass shattering on the ground. Henry looks increasingly uncomfortable, and Regina barely notices as Emma approaches her but soon she's being tugged along, away from the dining room and away from her son.

Emma pulls her around the corner into the hallway behind the diner and there's something different about the way she looks at Regina. It isn't empty, there's recognition in her eyes and nothing makes sense. How can Emma know who she is? Suddenly Regina is filled with rage. They were supposed to escape this, Emma and Henry weren't supposed to be trapped with the rest of them, they were supposed to have a happy ending. Regina gave up everything for them to have that, and now here they sitting in Granny's Diner, in Storybrooke, trapped with the rest of them. She almost doesn't hear Emma speaking at first.

"Look Regina, Henry doesn't remember anything, I'm so sorry." Emma's voice holds a desperate quality to it, as if she's trying to find a way to soothe the unimaginable pain Regina must be in. It's fruitless.

"Well you obviously do, so what happened?" Regina questions around the lump forming in her throat.

They spend the next twenty minutes discussing everything that had happened, the new curse, Hook finding Emma in New York and returning her memories, formulating a plan of attack to deal with the latest threat facing them all.

"Are you sure you don't want to meet him, Regina?" Emma asks softly, gently.

Regina's eyes well up with tears but she refuses to let them fall. "It would be too hard," she answers resolutely. She squares her shoulders and holds her chin high when she walks out of the diner. She tells herself she's not going to look at Henry, not going to break her heart even further, but she can't resist. She casts a glance out of the corner of her eye in his direction and scurries out of the diner as the pang in her heart deepens.

\-----

The cold is beginning to seep into her bones despite her jacket and the cup of coffee in her hands. Regina shifts uncomfortably in her seat, wishing she could be doing something, anything proactive instead of sitting uselessly in Emma's hideous yellow bug.

"Can't we at least turn on the heat?" Regina grumbles.

"If we turn on the car it'll make noise, which will give us away Regina. The key here is stealth." Emma responds.

"Is this really what you do for a living?" There's an undertone of gripe to Regina's question but there's also genuine curiosity.

"Yeah. It's called a stakeout," Emma responds good naturedly.

"And you don't get bored?" The boredom in Regina's own voice seeping through clearly.

"I don't know, you find ways to pass time. Eat. Drink. Mostly watch. Which is what we should be doing." With that Emma turns her focus back to City Hall and the window of Regina's office.

The silence doesn't last long though. Soon Regina speaks up again, "Does he have friends?" She needs to know that her sacrifice worked, that Henry was happy. That he had a good life. There's also a small part of her that wants to know just how much Emma understands about the way the curse worked. About just what Regina gave to Emma. Something tells her Emma has no idea. All her memories and the blonde has no idea.

They spend far too little time talking about Henry before they see movement coming from the mayor's office and then suddenly it's a whirlwind of action again. Regina's heart is pounding through her ears the whole time and when the mysterious figure makes its escape fury bubbles in her veins. They're left standing still in her office, staring at a spot where a figure had disappeared in a cloud of smoke that should have been impossible. But the adrenaline is still pulsing through both women and Regina can't contain herself. The energy spills over and soon she's yelling. Yelling at Emma, at the vanishing figure, at the air, she doesn't care she's just yelling. Her arms are flailing emphatically with her and Emma is left dumbstruck just watching.

"That's impossible! It should have been impossible! I put a blood lock on the office! There's no way, there's just no way." Frustration erupts into tears and a cracking voice when Regina whirls on Emma.

"And you! You said this would work! What are you even doing here? You should be in New York with Henry." Regina chokes on a sob and squeezes her eyes shut tight.

"Regina-" Emma tries to interject but she's immediately cut off.

"No! You were supposed to escape this! You were supposed to be free and happy and now you're both back here in this mess, in danger again! After I gave up everything, I gave you everything!" More sobs escape Regina's lungs and she then she whispers, "Everything. I gave you absolutely everything so that you and Henry could be happy, and you don't even know." She looks up at Emma with fire and agony burning in her eyes. "And now you're back. But Henry doesn't even know who I am Emma. He doesn't know, because I gave everything I had up."

Suddenly Regina is crossing the room towards Emma in long strides. Emma wants to back up but something roots her to her spot, even when Regina starts swinging at her, arms flailing and connecting with Emma's shoulders, shoving her enough to almost unbalance her.

"You ruined everything! How am I supposed to-" Regina hiccups through another sob, "How am I supposed to be in the same town as him when he doesn't even know who I am?" Her voice breaks and it's barely audible when she continues, "I gave you everything and you don't even know."

And then she's just crying, crying, crying. Her shoves have become more and more half hearted. The only thing Emma can think to do is wrap her arms around the distraught brunette. Regina fights it at first, still shoving Emma slightly. Then she stills and stiffens in the hold while Emma places one arm behind her shoulders and one at the small of her back.

After a long moment, long enough for Emma to wonder if she's about to receive a fireball to the face Regina melts into the embrace. She doesn't return it exactly, she doesn't wrap her arms around Emma in turn. Instead she just half crumples into the blonde, letting Emma hold up some of her weight. Where her fists were pounding into Emma's shoulders before now they're bunched in the leather of Emma's red jacket clinging on for dear life while her face is buried in the crook of the sheriff's neck. She doesn't care that her tears are soaking into blonde hair and staining it, she's still so mad.

Emma rubs soothing circles down Regina's back and takes in several big gulps of air. This is a side she's only seen to Regina once before, in a supply closet of a hospital while their son lay dying in a bed just a hundred yards away. She's not sure exactly what to do but keep holding on, so the two remain that way for longer than they'll admit later.

In truth Emma needed this too, she's been thinking the same things Regina has just vocalized that she and Henry belong in New York, where their life was good. Where there weren't curses and magic and danger at every turn. It's why she's still thinking of taking Henry back there once she protects her family yet again. She's left pondering this and everything else Regina said, specifically one thing. Regina gave her everything. She knows Regina gave her and Henry and fresh start in New York, but there was more to it than that. Regina gave her everything. Just what did everything entail? Emma thinks she might know, but it's too massive to even contemplate right now so she pushes it out of her mind. She chooses instead to cling to Regina and focus on anything else.


	3. Chapter 3

It's finally over. Zelena has been captured and everyone's memories have been restored, including Henry's, most importantly to Regina. She finally has her son back, and she couldn't be happier about it. Something still feels off though as she sits in Granny's Diner and watches the festivities take place around her. Robin is by her side, saying something softly to her that she's not listening to. She can't shake the feeling of dread that's creeping through her. She tries to tell herself that she's being irrational, that it's the energy of the recent battle still coursing through her system. But there's a pit in her stomach and she can't ignore it.

Something draws her over to Emma, where the blonde sits with the pirate and her parents. Regina tries to swallow around the lump in her throat and pretend that the hand in hers as she drags Robin along with her doesn't feel too large and out of place.

As she approaches the table she overhears something that makes her heart stop beating in her chest.

Snow has an almost wistful look on her face as she says, "It seemed like such a peaceful life, leave everything and everyone behind."

"Like mother like daughter," Hook mutters into his beer.

"What is he talking about?" she hears Henry ask. David tries to divert the conversation back to the storybook but Regina can't let this go.

"Actually I'd like to know what the pirate is talking about." She turns her focus on Emma, "Are you planning on going back to New York?" She tries to keep her voice steady but her heart is suddenly beating so fast she isn't sure if her chest can contain it.

Emma refuses to give any straight answer, growing tenser by the second until she does what she always does. She runs, saying that now is not the time or place to discuss the topic. The bell on the door to the diner chimes as she makes her exit.

Hook moves to follow her, "I'll talk to her," he says stepping towards the door.

"No." Regina's voice is firm and brooks no argument. "This concerns my son, and Emma and I are going to discuss this. I'll talk to her." She ignores the scowl on the pirate's face, she could really care less about his feelings, and makes to storm out of the diner when Henry calls her back.

"Wait! Take this," he extends the storybook to Regina, "It might help her remember this is her home."

Regina smiles at him indulgently and takes the book. Without a word she runs out the door after Emma.

She finally finds Emma in the park, sitting on a bench crosslegged and staring into the distance. She approaches slowly, arms crossed in front of her holding the book to her torso. Emma doesn't acknowledge her presence at first so Regina waits. She's seething, and desperate to get some answers from the blonde but she doesn't want to push her too far and have her shut down or simply get up and leave again. Regina would follow her again until she got the answers she needed but she wanted to avoid the run around if she could. Finally after several minutes of silence Emma speaks up.

"I'm sure you're upset." She mumbles.

"Upset? Upset? You want to take my son away from me, why on earth would I be upset? No, Emma, upset doesn't cover it." The bite to her tone grows as she speaks, bordering on vicious as she spits out the last words.

"Hook is an asshole." Is all Emma says in response. Regina blinks at the subject change momentarily before she deflates a little, letting some of her ire go for the time being. She moves and sits on the bench next to Emma, careful to leave a little distance between them so as not to spook her. She clutches the storybook in her lap.

"Something we can agree on," Regina says in her deep, rich voice. Another moment of silence before Emma turns to the brunette.

"He's an asshole. He shouldn't have just blurted that out in the middle of the diner like that." Emma's eyes have an almost plaintive quality to them, like she wants to apologize to Regina but she can't get the words out.

"I'm glad he did, or else I might have woken one day to find that you and my son had disappeared without a word," Regina responds acidly.

"What?" The surprise in Emma's voice is clear, "No, Regina that's not how it would have gone down. That's why I'm so pissed at Hook, he should have kept his mouth shut because it wasn't any of his business. I was fully intending on talking to you before I left. I wouldn't- I couldn't just take Henry from you like that."

Regina snorts and stares at Emma with disbelief, "Forgive me if I don't believe you, Miss Swan, but isn't that what you've been trying to do since you showed up in my town? This is your dream come true, isn't it? To get Henry all to yourself."

"No, Regina, no. Look I won't pretend that I didn't think about taking Henry from you when I first came here, but it's so different now. I can see how much you love him, I can see how much you've changed for him. And, I'm just… well I'm trying, but I'm not his mom like you're his mom." Emma whispers the last part and stares at her hands folded in her lap.

Regina says nothing for a long minute. She stares at the blonde's profile and Emma can feel her gaze burning into her.

"If that's true then why do you want to run? Why would you take him back to New York and away from me?" Regina finally responds.

"Because!" Emma erupts, She leaps from the bench and Regina startles a bit at the sudden movement, "Because this place isn't safe, Regina! I'm sick and tired of curses and arch enemies and dark magic and fucking flying monkeys trying to kill our son! We were happy in New York." Emma's eyes glaze over for a moment, as if trying to recall something, "Mostly," she whispers so quietly Regina isn't sure if she heard it, but then Emma's bluster returns and she's shouting again, "We had good lives there, and Henry was safe."

"From what I understand," Regina bites out, "You weren't safe from flying monkeys in New York either."

Emma's whole face turns bright red, and she opens her mouth to respond but she has nothing to refute that with. Instead she clenches her fists in anger by her sides and stares at Regina. The brunette stands, and deposits the storybook on the bench where she sat before. She takes one step closer to Emma and looks her squarely in the eye.

"This is Henry's home. This is where your family is Emma, why don't you feel like you belong here? There's more to this than what you're saying. We can keep Henry safe, we always have. So what are you leaving out?" The challenge rings in Regina's voice as she stares Emma down.

Emma breaks the stare and takes a step closer to the bench and her eyes connect with the storybook. "I don't know what you're talking about," she mumbles.

"Yes you do, Emma. Yes you do. Don't you dare lie to me, this is about Henry. I won't let you just run away with him. I want to know what's going on." Regina retaliates. She knows she's pushing now, but this may be her only opportunity.

Emma stares at her shoes for a long while. When she finally looks back up at Regina there are tears welling in her eyes. She moves to the bench and picks up the storybook. She flips through some of the pages. "I don't see my family here, Regina. I see fairy tales. I see stories of princes and princesses. That's not me, I was never a part of any of this. But the memories, Regina. They're still there. I know who I really am, and I know what really happened now. But the memories you gave us, they're still there too. And I'm not ready to let go of them. I was Henry's mom. I saw it all. I held him, I watched him grow up. Even if I really didn't, I still have those memories. And I just thought, if we could go back to New York, I could go back to being Henry's mom. The one who raised him, or at least the one who thinks she did. And I could make more memories, real ones this time." Emma kicked the ground and refused to make eye contact with Regina.

"Emma," Regina starts softly, "You know that's not possible. Those memories, they're-" but she cuts herself off there, this time being the one to stare at the ground.

"They're not real, I know." Emma sighs deeply. Regina remains quiet and she stiffens, going stock still and still not looking up.

Emma notices immediately, and that's when something dawns on her. "I gave you everything!" She remembers Regina shouting at her in the mayor's office. She hadn't wanted to think about what everything meant then, and she still isn't sure she wants to. But she has to ask.

"Regina, they weren't real were they? I mean they weren't, not-" she can't get the sentence out.

Regina looks up at Emma finally and squares her shoulders, not ready to have this conversation but preparing to dive in head first anyways.

"They were mine. Every one of those memories is real, Emma. I gave you my memories of raising Henry. I couldn't bear the thought of his childhood being altered more than it already was." A tear snakes down Regina's cheek. "And I don't know, maybe it was a way of leaving a part of myself with Henry."

Emma just stares at Regina open mouthed for several long moments. She doesn't know how to respond. Finally she takes a step closer to Regina, awe written all over her features.

"You gave me your memories? You… so everything I saw, I saw Henry's real childhood? His first steps, his first word, his third birthday when he smashed his face in the cake? That all really happened?"

Regina bit her lip and nodded, smiling as she remembered each of the moments Emma described in turn. "It took so long to get all the cake off of him," she chuckled.

"I scrubbed him for half an hour," Emma laughed along. Then she realized suddenly, "You scrubbed him."

Both women went silent as awkward tension filled the space between them.

Emma broke the silence, not knowing what else to do, "Remember the first time he lost a tooth and he cried because he thought it would never come back?"

"Until he realized he got a dollar under his pillow that night, then he was suddenly okay with it," Regina finished, remembering her son's gap toothed smile when he woke up the next morning and discovered the tooth fairy had arrived.

"Or how about that time he found that lost kitten at the park and begged and begged to keep it?" Emma's smile grows as she thinks of the pleading look in the boy's eyes as he clung to the wriggling animal.

"Oh god, I was so terrified that thing was going to give him rabies or some other horrible disease." Regina laughs but shudders at the same time, remembering the fear.

"I know, that's why we made him put it down immediately." Emma's smile drops, "Or I guess you made him put it down."

"Emma, those memories I gave you, I wanted you to have them. Not just for Henry, but for you too. So you could be the best mother to Henry possible, but so you could have those pieces of his childhood that you gave up. I know you gave him up because you weren't ready to be a mom. But I can never repay you for the gift you gave me, you gave me Henry and he's everything." Regina shifts maladroitly, not entirely comfortable with the outpouring of emotion.

"Regina, I should be thanking you. You're right, I wasn't ready to be a mother, but you were. You raised Henry and he's such an incredible kid. That's because of you. You're exactly what I hoped Henry would have, a mother who loves him to the ends of the earth. It took me a while to see that that's who you are when I first got here, but it's impossible to miss now. Henry loves you so much. And now this, how can I ever repay you, Regina? You're right, you gave me everything! I have memories of Henry's real childhood because of you. I can never thank you enough."

Both women are in tears now, and Emma does the only thing she can think of. She steps forward and pulls Regina into an embrace. It's like the first time she hugged her in the office, Regina stiffens at first. But she accepts the hug much more quickly this time around, and this time she returns it. She wraps her arms around Emma as well and rests her chin on the blonde's shoulder. They stay that way for a while, neither bothering to notice the time passing. Eventually they pull away. They both wipe at their tears and chuckle a little awkwardly.

"You know, I was going to ask you to come with us." Emma says quietly. Regina's mouth hangs agape at that information unsure how to respond, and that's when she sees it. A large, bright orange column of light projects all the way up into the sky, and Regina knows this can't be good.

Noticing the shift in Regina's behavior, Emma follows the brunette's gaze and sees the strange orange light herself.

"What the hell is that?" she asks, stunned.

"Trouble," is all Regina says. It's only another split second before Emma takes off running in the direction of the light. Regina rolls her eyes, knowing she's going to regret this, and runs after the blonde.


End file.
